


It's Art.

by glackedandmullered



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: In a sense, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 21:14:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1137470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glackedandmullered/pseuds/glackedandmullered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoff isn't suicidal, he cuts because he likes the beauty, the art of the carvings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Art.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from milkteaghost on tumblr: Geoff isn’t suicidal. He really isn’t. He just likes the sensation of slicing his arm, not deep, just scratches. He likes the aesthetic of the red drawings he makes against his pale skin.  
> The others walk in on him slicing himself, wondering why he had been shut in the bedroom for so long. He tries to hide his arm behind his back but they get suspicious and one of them pulls it forward. When they see the cuts they panic, asking him if he’s unhappy.  
> They get him red pens to draw on himself with.

He kept the knife in his pocket. An old, slightly rusted but ever so sharp pocket knife that he had taken from his Dad's coat when he was much younger. He had planned for it to become his safety net, things weren't getting any safer being a kid growing up in his neighbourhood and at the very least it would make him look tougher, more of a threat, if he had it on him to wield in fights. Over time it became a comfort. Something to clutch when he was frightened, something to keep him grounded when he was nervous or worried.

And then even later than that it became a part of him. It made him feel better when he was alone, made him feel safer when he entered into situations he was unsure about. He was 25 when he started using it to make art. Swirling bloodied lines on his skin that he could trace with his fingertip as they scabbed and dried and healed over. He never went deep enough to cause serious scars, it wasn't about that. It was about something much more than pain. It went beyond rational logic and left sanity behind in its wake but to Geoff it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

It was beautiful.

Over the years he covered any scrap evidence with inked art that permanently stained his skin but, even if he was questioned about the scrapes and scratches he simply told them to mind their own fucking business. After all he wasn't hurting anyone. 

He didn't bother telling his partners when the six of them started up their relationship, it wasn't like he had a problem or it was anything worth mentioning so he just kept it to himself. He barely did it anymore anyway, it was just an impulse thing that would occur sometimes when he was bored or uninspired or angry. 

Of course, with five partners, he couldn't exactly keep a secret like that forever.

\---

He wasn’t sure what triggered it this time. Maybe it was the fact that they were about to go have dinner with Michael’s parents who weren’t exactly the most supportive of the polyamorous relationship their son was in. Maybe it was that they were behind on planning for Let’s Plays because Geoffs levels of inspiration were at a low and he just couldn’t construct an idea to save his life right now. 

Or maybe it was that it had been nearly 6 months since he’d last taken out the knife and that just felt like a little too long. 

He slid down the door of the bathroom and stretched his legs out to the sink. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, inked forearms outstretched and the knife gripped in one hand. He lowered the tip to his left arm and dragged it slowly and carefully across the skin, barely skimming the surface and only getting the tiniest bubbles of blood welling up over the surface of his skin. He slipped away into his head.

It was like a trance, the state that Geoff would get in when he drew. He would retreat far into his own mind where all he could see were the whirling red slices that he carved, they lit up the sky in his world with red fire and he would lose himself to the burning air that he breathed. The trance meant that he was oblivious to the world around him, to his partners trying to get his attention, for example.

"Geoff! Come on man we have to go and I need to pee!" Ray complained from the other side of the bathroom door. He frowned when there was no reply and pushed against the door firmly. 

"Geoff?" He asked again when the door refused to open, like there was something blocking it. It wasn't locked, they had never had any use for those things so it couldn't be that. 

"Everything alright, Ray?" He glanced up to see Jack approaching from the stairs and he shook his head with a frown. 

"No, Geoff's in there and he won't say anything and there's something blocking the door.”

Jack moved him out of the way gently and knocked on the door himself. “Geoff? Everything okay in there?” There was no reply again and Ryan chose that moment to appear around the corner too, with Gavin and Michael in tow.

“What’s going on?” He asked curiously.

“Geoff’s shut in there, he won’t let me in.” Jack tried the door again, harder this time and felt it shift slightly. Michael and Gavin stood back against the wall, worry on their faces and eyes fixed on the door as Jack and Ryan fought to open it.

Meanwhile Geoff was abruptly pulled from his trance as the door repeatedly slammed into his shoulder and he flicked the blade down into itself and tucked it into his pocket. Taking a quick glance at his arm he noted the pattern he had created this time. It was very similar to those he had done before, whirls of red, weeping light amounts of blood across the inked skin. He touched one gently to check the depth when the door once again hit him, sharper this time and he yelled, frustrated. 

“Hey asshole stop shoving the door that’s me you’re bashing!” The door closed abruptly and Geoff groaned in relief, rubbing his sore shoulder with his hand. 

“Let us in then!” The door swung once more, opening further now that Geoff wasn’t leaning against it and he stood up sharply and grappled for his sleeve to pull it down over his arm but he wasn’t quite fast enough. The door swung open and he backed up against the sink with his arm behind him. 

“What were you doing?” Jack started, glancing around the room for any signs that would tell him anything. 

“What do you mean?”

“You didn’t answer me, I tried to talk to you but you weren’t replying.” Ray said quietly from behind Jacks back, worry marring his voice.

“Sorry Ray, must have just been off in my own world.” Geoff laughed and tried to wave it off but Jack noticed the arm tucked behind him and reached out an arm to gesture to it.

“What are you hiding?” He asked carefully, stepping closer.

“Nothing.” 

“Geoff.” Ryan said from his place leaned against the doorframe. 

“Nothing!”

“let me see.” Jack whispered and there was a wave of concern that washed over all of the guys as their winds worked overtime telling them something very and was happening. Jack reached forward and ignored Geoffs attempt to back up further away from him and tugged at his upper arm, pulling the limb into view. The sliced open, red stained arm and there was a collective gasp that hit the air around them.

“…Geoff?” Gavin whimpered, looking over from under Jacks arm where he had been trying to get closer. Geoff sighed and pulled his arm back, grabbing a towel off the counter he ran some water over it and pressed it to his arm. The wounds stung but not terribly so.

“A-are you unhappy, Geoff?” Ray asked weakly, his voice cracking and Geoff groaned as his fears were confirmed. This was exactly why he would have never said a word about it, this was the reason he kept it hidden, it was always misunderstood.

“No, ugh no you guys aren’t going to understand.”

“Try us.” 

“It’s…It’s just something I’ve always done. It’s art. It’s beautiful.” Geoff explained but Gavin burst out from behind Jack, a frown on his face.

“It’s self harm!” He cried pitifully.

“IT’S NOT!” Geoff’s outburst shocked everyone into silence and he gently removed the towel from his arm, wiping off the excess blood now dried against his skin and dropped it onto the counter, not very much caring if it left marks on the white surface.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout I just…It’s not something you’re going to fully understand so it’s just going to have to be something you accept.” He kept his eyes down as he pushed past his stunned boyfriends. They travelled to the dinner in strained silence and were unusually quiet during the meal, not that Michaels parents felt like keeping much of a conversation with them anyway.

\---

The next week was spent in almost awkward quiet. They greeted each other but there was something hanging in the air, a tension Geoff could slice though with the knife still in his pocket. 

It was after lunch on Friday when Ray appeared at his shoulder. He had been the only one left once everyone had gone off to do their respective tasks; he was startled by the hand on his shoulder and he pulled his headphones off as he spun his chair to face the young lad beside him. Ray looked nervous and he was biting his lip is that way that was absolutely adorable.

“Here.” He said simply, holding out a pack of markers. 

“What’s this?” Geoff asked, not making any effort to take them as he held a cautious gaze with his boyfriend.

“I got them in red because I wasn’t sure if it was the colour or what and I got the permanent kind because I didn’t know if that would be best but anyway take these. Next time you wanna…you know, try these.” Ray babbled, nudging Geoffs hands with the pack still held out in front of him. He nods, satisfied when the older man takes the pack with shaking hands. 

“We love you, Geoff.” He says firmly, sincerely and reaches up a hand to push his glasses up his nose before turning around. 

Geoff held the pack of pens tightly in his hands as Ray walked away and a smile tugged at his lips.

The knife was placed in a desk draw at home and the pens were scattered around the house. The knife stayed where it was and the pens were replaced time after time as Geoff used them up for his art.


End file.
